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A season for Jesus. And PBR.

April 1, 2010

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Spring! Woot!

Oh my god, you’re killing me smalls.

You too, little lamb, you make my butt hurt you’re so cute.

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I didn’t get into gardening/liking the flora and fauna in my yard until too late last summer to do anything about it. THIS year, however, I plan on going bat-shit crazy with flowers and vegetables. It’s my practice garden, for when we get a new house with a huge yard, because this one sucks balls.

My house is only 12 years old, so the plants that were originally planted are just established enough to know what they are, that they are planted in the absolute oddest places, and too late to fix the errors of the retards who planted them.

Let’s take a tour of my yard in Spring!

This is the side of the house. This side of the house gets very little sunlight. So of course they would plant a Plum tree and a FUCKING CHERRY BLOSSOM on the side of the house one foot away from the foundation. That’s a Weeping Cherry Blossom in the back, and it’s gorgeous. It’s also supposed to get 30 FEET IN DIAMETER. That’ll be great in a few years when there’s a cracked foundation. The Plum tree in the foreground also gets pretty damn big…there’s a full grown Plum tree in our backyard that’s about 20 feet high and about 15 feet in diameter. Also, great for the foundation in about 5-10 years. Asshats.

THIS I love. Next to the Plum tree, my Tree-Climbing Peony. I only call it that because my old boss told me that’s what it was, and I believe anything anyone tells me about stuff I don’t know about.  The first year we moved in, I had one flower. The second year, two flowers…this year, I have FOUR buds that will bloom in the next month or so.  It has flowers as big as my left ass cheek, and that’s big. I’ll keep y’all updated, you will shit your pants when you see how big these flowers are.

Close up of the Plum Blossoms. These are so pretty, and they smell AMAZING. Combined with the Cherry Blossoms, the side of the house smells amazin’ asian.  So good, in fact, that as I was taking this picture, I was unawares that I was standing in a giant puddle of really smelly puppy diarrhea.  I went thru this for you.

Back to the plants…

Weeping Cherry Blossom. Girl boner giver.

I love this with all my being. I can’t wait to see it when it’s 30 years old and big and weepy and ridiculous. But I won’t, because we’ll be moving in the next year. If I can take it with us, I will, but I doubt that very much. My attempted transplant of my Wisteria went horribly wrong. I was going to move the Cherry Blossom this spring in hopes that it would re-locate well, but not going to worry about it now! The cracked foundation is the next owner’s problem. Haha, losers.

Maybe I’ll stop by in ten years and hopefully see that the tree has grown into the house. That would be rad.

I also have some Strawberries, which I planted in August of last year. Too late to yield any berries, but this year looks promising.

Bitches already be eating my leaves! I’m experimenting with natural pest controls. Marigolds are supposed to help, so those are next to the strawberries in the raised bed.

This was a hard picture to get. This is the only peony left that isn’t yellowy-brown. I’m not so good at pruning/pinching/whatever you call it when you take dead things off plants. But look at what a pretty sight it made a month ago:

That made me happy for about two days before they all died. And sat in my kitchen for a week before I threw them away.

These are my Raniculus…something…Ranunculus…These are my big yellow sunny pretties that make me feel better when I am sad.

What a good time looks like the day after you hang with me and mine at my crib

till the next time,



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3 Comments leave one →
  1. April 1, 2010 6:46 am

    # 1 – If it didn’t mean being a dirty hippie, I’d totally want to live in a tree house. Or at least a house with a tree growing through it. Oh but I don’t like bugs, so they would have to be removed somehow.

    #2 – The pile of crap next to the beer can looked like “something” to me. I couldn’t figure out what so I sat here (at work) staring at it for a good 45 seconds (like it was a cloud or something) and have determined it’s a caterpillar on a skateboard.

    #3 – I know nothing about flowers so my comments max out at “they’re pretty”.

  2. rob permalink
    April 1, 2010 11:35 am

    Holy shit Shannon that totally is a caterpillar on a skateboard! Our little puppy is like a turd art savant or something.

  3. kelley permalink
    April 3, 2010 12:49 pm

    Love you! You are timeless.

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