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Jersey…it’s ri-goddamn-diculous.

April 21, 2010

Oh, New Jersey. I’ve never been to you*, and I never want to. I’m afraid I might get my ass kicked for looking at you wrong, or you might woo me with your clever charms and I might start tanning.

I found this awesome old picture whilst looking for pics for this post.

Too bad that Jersey doesn’t exist anymore. So I updated it.

thank you, I know it’s rad.

Where did these freaky, tanned, waxed, tattooed, egomaniacal, trashy, slutty, ape-like, moronic, narcissistic, ridiculous people come from?! Jersey.

With the onset of Jersey themed reality shows, Jersey “style” is everywhere!

At first I was disgusted by the Gotti Boys on Growing up Gotti:

That first pic of the douche in the red, makes my butt shiver I’m so repulsed.

I never actually watched that, nor did I want to.

And then came MTV’s Jersey Shore, which was a train-wreck of awesomeness.

These bitches be CRAAAZY! But I’d definitely like them on my side in a fight.

Oh man, Pauly D’s blowout is wicked awesome!

The retarded Situation & Pauly D. Fuck the “situation” My new name is the “Predicament”

I (heart) Snookie!

And now there’s Jerseylicious and I can’t not watch. But every time I watch, my butt hurts from the ridiculousness. Are these people for real?

Tracy & Olivia from Gatsby Salon in Central Jersey.  They hate each other. Their hatred is entertaining.

What’s up, buttchin?

One of my favorite bands, Nerf Herder (who did the Buffy theme song), has an awesome song called New Jersey Girl. If you don’t want to listen, don’t, but know that this song has one of my super most favoritest lines in any song:

“Her brother calls me blowjob…when I call her on the phone,”

“He says: Hey fuckwad! Are you whackin’ it? Are you whackin’ it?!

“No, but is your sister home?”

*wicked awesome*

~~~~~~~~~And if the above mentioned people are NOT from Jersey, well, they should be. They should move there, as far away from Seattle & me as possible~~~~~~~~~~

And to end on a fantastic note, here’s a picture I found of Jersey Shore’s Pauly-D giving cute lil’ Michael Cera  blowout:


HUGS N’ KISSES! ~the predicament (susan)

**UPDATE: I HAVE BEEN TO NEW JERSEY. But I was like 3 or 4 so it’s not like I lied….here’s the pics to prove it:

That would be my father holding me, and my sister’s hand, with our blow up canoe..on the Jersey Shore.

2 Comments leave one →
  1. April 21, 2010 9:55 am

    Ya know what sucks? Well besides most of New Jersey? There’s a teeny part (the southern end) of the state that really ain’t so bad. And I’m not just sayin that because I live 20 minutes from it. And not because I spent my summers as a child there either. None of these assclowns live in south jerz. South jerzians keep their tans to a pale orange and their fist pumping to a minimum. These vomit-inducing dbags give the entire state a really bad name. I wish it was still Bon Jovi who gave new jersey a bad name.

    but none of that matters because I’m still drawn like a freakin moth to these shows. they’re a delight.

  2. April 21, 2010 9:58 am

    Bwahahahha. I love it. Bon Jovi.

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